Hey guys! So tomorrow I’m starting the first recordings for my demo. I finally got a microphone and headphones (thanks Brother!), and I just tried them out earlier this evening. It’s not the finest equipment or way to go, but as I said before it’s gonna be low budget. After all, it’s a pure amateur demo thing, so let the big things start out small.

Anyway, yesterday I started on writing a new song “Conjunction” and after setting ready the recording equipment along with the midi software (swtiched back from Fruity Loops to Cakewalk Pro), I decided to put together the tracklist. I already had one in mind, but after some consideration I decided to leave out Fire of Hearts. Instead I’m gonna put my newer songs into this demo and fix older ones up another time.
The title is still not decided, but I’m thinking of calling it “Conjunction”.

Tracklist is gonna be:
1. The Hero must go On
2. Children of the Sky
3. Souldier
4. Conjunction
5. Light Across the Water

I’ve also begun on designs for the info folder to include with the album, containing lyrics and just some side info, along with nice graphics.

Song info:
1. The Hero must go On
This was originally written as a tribute for Tommy Oliver (google him if you don’t know who he is :P). But shortly after that it gained other meanings as well. Sometimes those do good in life are struck down badly, like bad people holding down good people. This is a rather black-and-white kind of concept, but I suppose it’s the best way to describe it. Inspite of those obstacles, “heroes” always press on forward to complete whatever mission they have and they keep on struggling to maintain their own strength and dignity. Duration, more or less 4:42.

2. Children of the Sky
A happy song written in honour of my nephew who passed away before he was born. They say that children never really leave their parents, even after they die. The song is about how everybody has a star beside him or her, like a cheerful loving light that shines at their side. So this song is dedicated to my nephew, whom my sister - after hearing this song - called him Star.

3. Souldier
It’s about as in-progress as Conjuction. The concept of Souldier is somewhat similar to that of The Hero (for short), it’s about people who “fight” battles in life with their soul, rather than unjust force and malice. Souldiers are the ones upholding their morals, fighting for a world in which people can learn to appreciate and acknowledge their own souls.

4. Conjunction
Conjunction means the act of joining, like in astronomy it means that two or more celestial bodies come closer to each other, as if they would join together. To me, it also means the joining of the end and the beginning of an era. In the Dark Crystal, the ogre woman Augra stated that the Great Conjunction is the end of the world, or the beginning. Talk of the end of the world has gone around a lot lately, or perhaps the beginning of a striking new era. To me, its like a Great Conjunction, the end of a world but also the beginning. The song is about these conjunctions in life and my thoughts toward them.

5. Light Across the Water
It’s a song about a strong feeling I’ve had for as long as I can remember, like I’m here for reason, like a mission is waiting for me. Or like a path for me waiting to be walked, that leads toward something big, perhaps that conjunction. It’s not a lie that there are thousands of people on earth that feel the same way. We yearn for the meaning of this feeling, but it doesn’t go without fighting the obstacles and even though the “stream” continues to push us back, we feel like nothing even should stop us from finding what we’re looking for.

That’s all for now.

Got something good to tell!
It’s funny how some things in life work. It always seems easier to fool yourself and shadow your doubts, than to give in to what you truly desire and truly think is right. Or is it? If you follow the mainly set up path it’s easier to be accepted and to gain access to the big world of success. But then again, is it right? When walking such a path, will it be easy at times when you’re forced to face yourself?
I really don’t think so… The path I’ve chosen presently isn’t easy, not when it comes to being accepted and embraced in the big people world. People continue to look down on me, to frown at what I’m doing and believe in. But following a path that’s not lain down for me would be harder I suppose, because then I’d be in a constant struggle with myself. Been there, done that. I gotta say, I’m done following paths that break me down and shape me to what the big people think is right, like I’m some clay figurine.
Nope, I’m not in school. Yeah, here I go again, same old story and subject. But it’s been one heck of a war regarding education, and I do think it deserves the proper attention.
In my previous journal I told about a lady of the test central, who eventually concluded that a general study wouldn’t do for me, and that I could create my own study with everything I know and everything I love. That last one is what I decided to do.

Today I went to the libraby with my dad; I seriously haven’t borrowed a book in YEARS. Now I have three: The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho, a book about crop circles and a book with 100 great tips for drawing with pastel.
And so I decided it was time for my homemade homescholing programme! My own art education is about to begin, starting with basics of course. I just finished my schedule for the next 30 weeks. Every subject will be covered in a period of 3 weeks, with a final assignment as a sort of exam. Thus:

Pastels
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Selfportrait (cover for The 9 Pieces of Lisa)

Coloured Pencils
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Portrait Larissa (my niece)

Grey Pencils
Week 1: Basic shade study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Animal drawing

Charcoal
Week 1: Basic study and choice
Week 2: Basic Practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Landscape

Watercolour
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Fantasy scene

Acrylics
Week 1: Basic and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Illustration for Urban Angel

Markers
Week 1: Basic study
Week 2: Basic Practice
Week 3: Extra
Final: A cool poster

Ink
Week 1: Basic study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Illustration for Dalni and Morrigan

Digital Painting
Week 1: Style study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Extra
Final: Digital Painting

As you can see, I took the stuff to study quite broadly.. Did that on purpose. I’ve never been good at sticking strictly to schedules, so I won’t punish myself if I wander off a bit. As long as I stick to the path and won’t slack off. The reason I took it all in a broad concept (extra, special effects - could be anything) is because I don’t know yet what exactly I’ll be studying for each subject. I’ll only know that when I’ve got the right books in my hands. My studying books, which I’ll get from the library. Of course, I’ll make sure that the books I borrow will contain info about the stuff I’ve put in my schedule.

*happy sigh*

I feel good. I really do. Of course, I still have some boggling things on my mind, such as finding work. But you know… life is like learning how to paint: first come the basics - the foundation - and after that the special effects and details. I know all will be fine and everything will fall into place, as long as my being is at peace. If it’s not, if everything’s shrouded by doubt and turmoil, how will I ever see the road?

Music and writing are not included in the home schooling I’ve set up here, but it’s alright, there’s a time and place for everything. I’ll still work on them as I go of course, but who knows, maybe they’ll get their special attention during the ‘next school year’ Still gonna start on my demo soon, when exactly I don’t know. But soon Still writing my book, I feel I’m getting close to the point of being able to finally properly continue on it.

So.. I wish you all well my friends!

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

This following story is fiction and a formulation of a series of thoughts that occured to me tonight.
–
One night I walked a lonely forest path, as I sometimes do to ponder about my beliefs. I’m a pagan with no way, created from many ways. It’s just like Jet Li said about martial arts: “Learn the fu, then forget the fu. Learn the way, then find your own way.” Which basically means it’s a good thing to aquire knowlegde from every corner you come across, to build your own room and - eventually - your house.
While I was walking that night, I met with quite an unusual scene. In an open spot a distance away from the path were two girls talking about magic. Despite the twilight, I was able to notice several tools laying on the ground close to them. I decided to stop and eavesdrop a bit, with no other particular reason than curiosity.
“I think I got it right this time,” said one girl. “Could you please pass me the athame?”
“Of course,” replied the other. “But try to handle it with skill, or you might cut yourself.”
The one girl promised to be careful, took the knife and started to move it from side to side in midair. While she did this she said: “I’m glad we decided to practice before actually doing any spells.”
As she continued to draw whatever she was drawing in the air, I stepped from the path and began to walk towards them. As I came closer, I noticed some misplaced movements in her drawing.
“Excuse me,” I said and the girls both startled, which - to be honest - was my intention. “May I ask what you are doing?”
The girls, who obviously thought I considered them either crazy or punks, recoiled a bit and nearly started stammering. So I quickly placed my hand on the one girl’s shoulder to calm her and said: “I just saw you drawing the five-star symbol in the air, but the way you drew it hardly makes any sense.”
“How so?” said the one carefully, while the other remained staring in silence.
I stood next to her, facing the same way, and placed my right finger into midair. “The way you started was fine,” I said. “From the top, to the bottom right, to the middle left, and so on. But the circle you then added went counter clockwise, while you started the star itself in a clockwise direction. It’s like trying to finish a puzzle by placing half of the pieces upside down. Even though you’d finish it, it would make no sense.”
The one girl, clearly taken aback, was only able to mutter: “I guess…”
But I went on. “Drawing your magic circles, or protective shells, can be compared with the cycle of the moon. It waxes, wanes, is full and is ceased. When it waxes, it grows towards its full state and the light increases. When it wanes it goes back to its no-state and the light decreases.
“When you wish to build your magic circle, you draw it clockwise. And draw it counter clockwise to break it down. The same goes for your aerial symbols.”
I know what those girls must have been thinking: they were just doing their thing when suddenly a random person, in the middle of nowhere, shows up and starts lecturing them about witchcraft. Of course, it wasn’t my intention to lecture them. But it’s dangerous to use a knife without skills; you might accidentally hurt yourself.
“So..” the one girl said, setting the knife in the air again. “The way I drew the star was right?”
“Yes,” I replied, and started drawing the five-star symbol in the air with my finger. “From the top, to the bottom right, to the middle left, to the middle right, to the bottom left and back to the top.”
“And then finish it with the circle,” said the girl, moving the blade the same way as I moved my finger. “Drawing it clockwise.”
I nodded and smiled. “Now you have drawn the pentagram.”
“And now I shall erase it,” she said. “Retracing the lines counter clockwise.” And this she did; first the circle and then the star.
“Whoa,” said the other girl, who had been silent until then. “I didn’t know the moon could teach something like that.”
But to this comment I frowned. “Isn’t the moon one of the most specific and important symbols in the Wiccan stream?”
The girls both went silent and looked at each other.
“I guess,” the one said.
I sighed. The knife might cut them, I thought to myself.
“If I may,” I then said. “I feel like I’ve talked too much already, but might I add one more piece of advice?”
Both girls nodded.
“Look to the moon and all it stands for and draw your lessons from it. The moon waxes and wanes, is full and ceased. It pulls and pushes the water, which symbolizes emotion, passion, reflection and change. In other words, femininity or the Goddess. They - the moon, the water and the Goddess - form a powerful Trinity, which magic resides in both you and me. If you learn to study them closely and apply their symbolism properly, you might come to understand there’s more to magic than you know.”
Saying goodbye to both of the girls, I decided to leave them with their business and stepped onto my own path again. As the darkness of night fell, I looked up at the waxing moon in the sky.
Maybe one day they’ll even look beyond the Trinity, I thought to myself, and notice that all things are intertwined. Like the light of the moon origins from the sun, which relates to fire, which relates to masculinity. Like the moon circles the earth, the earth circles the sun; another trinity on itself.
Suddenly my path came to an end and I had reached the edge of the forest. On that moment I said to myself aloud:
“Funny. Nature’s such a beauty, really. It can teach us nearly everything we have to know about the world, about ourselves. I suppose the real trick… is to learn how to look.”

Moments of reunion after a time of being seperate, where you get ready for what you know is about to come…

Explosive moments, where you impulsively decide to throw aside your bag and to run like crazy through the trees on the side of the road, simply because you can…
Hilarious moments, so badly that you don’t have any breath left in your chest, but you cannot stop laughing either…
Lovely moments, where you run towards the field with the sun on your face, en drop down into the grassy bed of Mother Earth, to wish her a very happy Springtime, too…
Spacing moments, where you suddenly feel that the ground is going downwards… o_0
Confusing moments, where bizarre identity swaps take place and it just makes no sense to anyone anymore…
Musical moments, where ever the radiator and the blackboard were involved in…
Moments of *lol*, like seeking eastereggs on a saturday morning, in the field, in a tree, anywhere…
Relaxing moments, like one that lasts at least 7 hours, where you sit down in the field at 11:30am to relax, and go back inside at 6:30pm…
Dumbstruck moments, when somebody suddenly wants to announce something, and you totally didn’t see it coming that it was about a gift from them, to you…
Moments you need to cope with something you can’t comprehend right away, that keep amazing you how wonderful friendship and brotherhood can be, in such a way it leaves you speechless, because you never expected yourself to be part of that, too…
Moments of nostalgia, such as the Power Rangers, Alfred Jodokus Kwak, Darkwing Duck and a teletubbie with a red dreadlock…
Freezing moments, so badly that at night you decide to put on your coat, then your vest, and then your slippers, hoping you’ll warm up at least a little bit…
Embarassing moments, where you finally wanna dedicate your own song to your friends, and that on that very moment your voice has been completely butchered…
Perplex moments, especially when you’ll see the beautiful pictures that have been taken…
Heartwarming moments, like every time someone gives out a hug, because they are truly always welcome and never needless…
Moments of understanding, where even one word such as ‘Tjilp’ kan have a thousand meanings, but still everyone knows exactly what you mean…
Daydreaming moments, about a square with a sundial, a village called Paganheather and about the hope that one day we’ll be able to create our own sacred places - such as temples -, too…

Moments of making choices, where the whole groep doesn’t fit into the same bus and it has to be split up…
To decide to wait for the rest at the station for reunion, because the one minute at the busstop simply didn’t qualify as a proper goodbye… Together, or not at all.

Moments of saying goodbye, that always make you realize how crazy you are of about your friends and sad that our ways are seperating once more, but on the same time you also know for sure that…
… we will meet again soon.

And that was the Ostara Meet with our own little group Tuatha De Lugh.
It was awesome guys, I can’t describe in any word, in any language, how much y’all, and our brotherhood, mean to me…

Merry Ostara/Spring everybody and may it be joyful and flourishing!

Go HERE for photos!

(filmed by StormGiant)

New song! I decided I’m going to save up for a decent headset, a better videocamera, so I can build my own low budget studio in my room. Because the way I have to play and record and mix now is just.. painful. And, as you might gonna notice below, low quality.

The Hero must go On (Tribute to Tommy Oliver, one of my favourite childhood heroes)